As the holidays approach, the differences between how men and women think and act shine as bright as Rudolph’s nose. From Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day, feeling stressed is as traditional as trimming the tree, lighting the Menorah, or kissing under the mistletoe. How many times have you vowed, “Next year will be different!”?
Women, caregivers that they are, tend to worry much more about keeping everybody happy, certainly an impossible task, but one most women refuse to relinquish. Even simple details become monumental – could hanging ornaments exactly six inches apart really bring true joy?
If guests are expected (or worse, unexpected guests appear), women, as hostesses, want their houses to sparkle, tables to groan, and enough holly to deck the halls with wild abandon. Women usually assume the role of lead shopper too, which can cause angst as gift lists grow longer every year. Throw in a few holiday parties and stressful chaos is sure to result.
Then there’s the wrapping, cooking, baking, decorating, card sending, and a thousand other things to do. At some point, women feel overwhelmed, usually when the calendar countdown marches to the Nutcracker Suite in double time. Women have to do all this and look fabulous as they cheerily call, “Happy Holidays!” What about their hair, nails, and finding the perfect holiday outfit?
Over in the big brown recliner, the man of the house relaxes, often accused of being a holiday slacker. He just doesn’t get all this fuss and rush. This guy can be heard pleading, “Slow down!”, as he watches his wife racing around the house like a crazy cartoon character. He just doesn’t care if the holiday napkins are made of paper instead of damask. What’s the big deal?
But, beneath his relaxed pose, masculine stress is building. Who’s going to pay for all this? What football games to watch and what about a betting pool? What to do if Mom criticizes dinner like she did last year? What if we run out of drinks and the stores are closed?
One overwhelming stressor affects most husbands – what to gift their spouse? Practical stuff isn’t romantic, shiny baubles are expensive, clothes are always the wrong size, and gift certificates are impersonal. Take a hint, don’t buy her a fruitcake. Trying to make this year’s holiday gift more memorable than last year’s can certainly cause stress.
Men, generally being fixers, tend to come up with practical solutions when dealing with stress. They simply “do it” without discussion, worry, or second thoughts. This could be the biggest stress-inspired difference between men and women during the holidays. Men definitely talk the talk, but generally also walk the walk. Action is their king and gets the job done.
Need a few tips to keep your gingerbread house from crumbling? Simply be kind to each other. Accept and embrace imperfection; it’s what makes life interesting. Touch often and mean it. Honor each other’s traditions.
Accept help when offered, even if it’s not the way you’d do it. Hang mistletoe in every doorway and use it! Enjoy a quiet night without the kids. Drive around town and marvel at the lights.
Most of all, know the season is short and life will soon be back to normal. Relief is in sight!
Twitter: lifechangenet
says:
Of course we’re talking in generalizations here but I think that it often is the case the men keep the stress to themselves. I know that’s what I try to do. As a fixer, I often think the answer is to simplify, but that can take away from some of the joy that she has in participating in the rituals. So maybe the stress is part of it and we just have to keep our eye on the prize: enjoying family.