Your words define your thoughts
This month, while you contemplate making changes, give serious thought to the words you use to describe what you want. Your words have incredible power; they influence you, those around you, and the future you build.
For example, when I moved my practice to a new area, I came up with a catchy, opening line to use at networking events: “People pay me to break up fights.” Everyone remembered me, and I got referrals. It conceptualized couples’ counseling for my clients, my referral sources, and myself; however, I realized the referrals I received were not the ones I work best with and want. The “fight” line was good for being remembered, but it wasn’t expressing the type of clients I truly want- motivated couples who want to keep love alive. Now I say, “I give lessons in lasting love,” and it has changed my practice for the better.
Why are the words you use important?
There are two major differences. How you view your change is altered and how others help you make the change is transformed.
Here are a few healthy ways to envision change through your language.
• When considering a change, you can speak of it as ending a negative or as starting a positive. Talk about starting a positive - that will be more motivating to you and others.
• Stop and think of how the change will affect you, the people around you, and your life in general. Take time to conceptualize the positives and how you can verbalize them.
• Define the change you are making as a benefit. Instead of focusing on what isn’t working, what is difficult, or what stinks about your situation, look for what you want. Look for and talk about concrete examples of why this change will be good. The energy you gain from focusing on the outcome is far greater than focusing on negatives.
• Repeatedly, talk about where you are going and how you are changing. What you repeat and think about is what is likely to happen. Keep the focus on your successes and movement.
• Talk about how others can help with your change, and ask for that help. It is amazing how many people resist speaking up for help that others are more than willing to give.
• Be specific and positive in your requests to others. Make it clear, in a few words, what you are looking for and how much you appreciate the help. How others support your forward motion (or impede it) depends on how you communicate what you are doing; make it short and positive.
• Talk with those whom your change may impact about how they can benefit from your change. People will invest energy (yourself included) if they feel good and think it is in their best interest.
• Most people don’t mind making change, they do mind being changed. Talk about how your change is a positive, joint effort.
No matter if the change is in your relationship, your job, your parenting, or anywhere in your life, when you speak about the transformation you are contemplating in a positive and clear manner, you ultimately create a better change.
Twitter: HappyCoupleXprt
says:
John,
Often people make the mistake in a relationship of thinking what they need to do is get their partner to change what they are doing. The real power lies in changing your reactions, your way of interacting, and how you respect yourself. That’s real ownership!
Twitter: lifechangenet
says:
Hi Kim,
Love your point about making changes versus being changed in a relationship. It really comes down to ownership. And the only way to get someone to take ownership is, as you said, put it an away that is meaningful to them using specific, positive language.