Making Your Marriage More Like a Business…Impersonal, You Say? Not So!

Do you want to change the scope of your relationship with your partner?

Changing routines, styles, or habits can be a struggle. People usually want change when their relationship or marriage becomes so unsatisfactory that disillusion leads to disappointment. Before reaching that point, why not try a proactive approach to shake things up a bit to improve or find a better way to handle issues?

According to many experts, it takes at least 21 days to break a habit and affect change. When you make the decision to modify your relationship, you may find it will be easier or more difficult than you expected. Don’t start your “change plan” with preconceived expectations.

What should happen to make a change in the relationship with your significant other?

• First, you should recognize how your investment of time and energy will benefit the connection with your partner. For example, if you want more meaningful communication, you might start by casually chatting in the kitchen when getting ready for work. Don’t try to resolve any problems in this conversation, keep it light and friendly. Communicate softly during the day with phone calls, texting, or e-mails. If communication with your partner has been only a symphony of grunts over breakfast, it will seem strange or even uncomfortable to begin chitchatting one sunny morning, but it can be a big step to better communication.

• Second, make change happen. If all you do is talk the talk and not walk the walk, the status quo will never change. Often, I suggest couples look at their marriage like a business and develop a plan of action. Such an outline might include setting goals, creating deadlines, and measuring outcomes. It sounds impersonal but it really isn’t. A marital business plan can simply be a guide to keep you aware of your goal of enjoying a more meaningful relationship. You’ll see how all your actions should be directed to making better things happen, and you’ll be alerted to signs of relapse to old patterns. You may have to stoop to leaving sticky notes around the house to keep yourself mindful of what you need to do, but this only validates your commitment to your cause.

• Consistency is the third step. Remember, breaking or creating new routines takes at least 21 days to happen. Many of us are good for a few days, and then quit when we don’t see a different response to our actions. Or, we might expect our spouse or partner to fail in their efforts to maintain their part of the bargain. So many times I’ve heard a wife say, “My husband is doing romantic things and helping more around the house now, but I’m just waiting for things to go back to normal.” How defeating is that statement! Make a commitment to change and keep at it, while appreciating the effort you are both making to turn things around or move forward.

After working at changing your relationship, discuss what good things are now happening because of your efforts. If things aren’t going as hoped, as a final step, you may need to modify your actions to gain better results. There’s nothing wrong with changing your game plan.

Most of all, give yourself the gift of time to make a wonderful life with your partner a reality.

Barbara J. Peters

Barbara Peters is a gifted communicator armed with a laser ability to cut through tangles of drama to achieve results for couples seeking help. As a professional counselor, registered nurse, and author of relationship books, Peters is as authentic as they come. Using collaborative and supportive techniques, Peters helps couples search for truths in their commitment to each other. Peters holds a B.A. in Sociology, B.S. in Nursing, and M.S. in Community Counseling. Her practice is located in Cumming, GA and she enjoys living in the nearby mountains with her husband. Four grandchildren keep her busy!

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