Abraham Lincoln once said,“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be,” and if anyone knew the truth of those words, he did. He struggled with depression all his life and was married to a chronically mentally ill woman. He had every reason to stay in bed and do nothing, but he didn’t; he made a choice.
People talk as if they have forgotten they have options. They forget they can make changes. They use the word “can’t” as if it were a talisman protecting unhealthy behaviors.
- “I can’t talk to my husband/wife/family about that.”
- “I can’t stop [an unhealthy behavior].”
- “I can’t help my depression” [anxiety, anger, lying, etc.].
- “I can’t control my [rage, overeating, acting out, attraction to someone else, etc.].”
People say “can’t” as if it were a magic word granting them immunity from choice.
Everyone has a choice. I’m pretty sure Lincoln didn’t want to govern a country at war, but he decided each day to go out and do the best he could.
Choice happens in the moment- the moment you decide to change a habit. There is a second when a part of you says “this is unhealthy, I shouldn’t do it,” and you have a choice. Nine times out of ten, that adult voice comes, and you can make a change or reside in the world of “can’t.”
Choose can’t and you choose to remain in the hurt. That choice will repeatedly harm you until you choose health.
Even Lincoln knew the difficulty caused by unhealthy choices, and he encouraged action now; “You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.” Today is the day to start changing your unhealthy habits.
You may be stuck because change is difficult. However, be real about the consequences of “can’t.”
- Where will the choice to not change lead you?
- Is it a better place?
- Is it really easier?
If you are honest, the unhealthy choice, in the long run, is, well… unhealthy and leads to a negative existence. Once you truly recognize how much “can’t” is harming your life, you may start to choose “can.” Difficult as it is, the change in the long run is easier than remaining stuck.
Fortunately, you don’t have to know why something works to do it; in fact, as someone said to me a long time ago, “motivation follows action.” It is in doing something different you come to see how it helps.
Insight is a wonderful thing, but your behavioral changes are what create a healthy life.
At the end of February, the month of Lincoln’s birthday, think about the hard choices Abe made. Despite adversity, despite not knowing exactly how it would end, and despite having to do things whether he felt like it or not, he moved forward. He chose can; so can you.
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