Changing YOU . . . Can it Really be Done?

Yes, it can, and with less effort than you would imagine.

We’ve all heard a zebra can’t change its stripes – once a zebra always a zebra. Even a full coat of body paint won’t ever make that zebra a donkey, no way! True, or not so true?

It’s true, that old zebra will always be a zebra, but it can be a smarter zebra by making different choices. Isn’t that what true change is all about?

When we open our brand new 2012 calendar, we’re offered a new beginning, even if only in a figurative sense. We can put our last year behind us and make resolutions to do and live better in the coming year.

Making resolutions are best accomplished by celebrating our baby steps forward and forgiving our sure-to-happen giant steps backward. Proposing and trying to implement big leaps of change often will land us in a puddle of frustration and despair – it’s impossible to expect newly learned behaviors to result in a wonderful new life happening overnight.

Baby steps will bring positive results far sooner, and with more lasting impact, than trying to cloak ourselves in a new persona by forcing change quickly. Think of your life as a work in progress, always evolving with baby steps moving us toward happiness and a sense of accomplishment and purpose.

On resolution lists will be varied hopes for the future. Each one will take time, plenty of time, but can be accomplished with slow and steady determination. Think about the baby steps necessary to:

• Problem solve more effectively
• Build a more meaningful relationship with your partner
• Show patience with your children
• Develop better work habits
• Find a new job
• Grow a more positive outlook
• Practice forgiveness
• Looking and feeling better

Often, all it takes is a change in perspective to affect a change in one’s life. Try to see situations through another’s eyes before you react.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But, how can we change our perspectives, especially since our way of looking at the world has been well-programmed since birth? Whoa – this process might take some reconditioning!

Again, take baby steps. Getting into another’s head is hard to do. So often we give lip service by saying, “I see your point,” but often we’re plotting ways to discredit what the other person is saying while our lips are moving.

Try these few techniques to look at the world in new ways:

• Listen, really listen. Don’t assume you know the point someone is trying to make. Ask questions to clarify.
• In your head, try to relate your personal experiences to what another is saying. This can build a connection.
• Talk to yourself. Language shapes thinking. Replace negative or defensive words with ones fostering a communicative connection with another. Eliminate all your musts, oughts, shoulds, and oughts and upgrade to preferables.
• Play devil’s advocate with yourself. Ignore your usual initial reaction/response and argue for “the other side.”
• Vary your day-to-day routine in simple, non-threatening ways. This will teach you there are many ways to look at patterns of behavior or ways of doing things.
• Agree to disagree with the world in general. No one is right or wrong as each sees their own reality. There are no winners or losers, if you accept this ground rule.
• Investigate non-personal events in new ways. This can extinguish your personal hot buttons and teach you to understand and, ultimately, accept many viewpoints.

Yes, all this takes solid effort. But, if you can do it, you’ll be surprised how changing your viewpoint will change your world!

Barbara J. Peters

Barbara Peters is a gifted communicator armed with a laser ability to cut through tangles of drama to achieve results for couples seeking help. As a professional counselor, registered nurse, and author of relationship books, Peters is as authentic as they come. Using collaborative and supportive techniques, Peters helps couples search for truths in their commitment to each other. Peters holds a B.A. in Sociology, B.S. in Nursing, and M.S. in Community Counseling. Her practice is located in Cumming, GA and she enjoys living in the nearby mountains with her husband. Four grandchildren keep her busy!

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