Making Life Transitions Easier
How are the choices you’re making affecting your life and relationships? Are they sound, healthy, and beneficial to your well-being? Do they come from positive thoughts and do they contribute to a better quality of life for you? Often our choices are so momentous that their results will create a totally different life for us…. [Continue Reading]
Do you know someone in your life who constantly complains? Think of a friend, your partner, a family member, or a colleague who usually complains about the same things. Got such a person in mind? Do you try to help them, give them support and offer advice? Are you truly empathetic, have a good listening… [Continue Reading]
Would you rather spend time with people you know, or meet up with a group of total strangers? Do you hide in the corner at events or parties? Have you ever passed on a great opportunity because you didn’t have a sidekick, or some familiar face to help you get started? You’re not alone. I… [Continue Reading]
Do you have someone in your life that is always spewing negativity or being overly difficult? Is this person always trying to bring you down, make you feel bad or looking to fight with you? Unfortunately, I have experienced quite a few of these people in my lifetime, some of whom I was able to… [Continue Reading]
Part of me wishes I could share with you, right here and right now, a list of all the people who annoy me, who upset me, who anger me. I’d name names and air very specific grievances. I’d tell you clearly why I am always right and they are always wrong. I’d get you to… [Continue Reading]
As a child, I hid behind my Mother’s legs, lowered my head, and stole glances at people that began to speak to me. The quiet child did not approach others or speak back, but she did hear them, as she observed from a safe distance. Interacting with new people takes a lot of courage for… [Continue Reading]
Certainly, we all are difficult at times, many times in fact! How do the people, especially spouses, feel and react when we are at our worst? It probably isn’t a shining moment for anybody. In my counseling practice, I often hear complaints about difficult family members. In-laws and stepchildren many times are the poster images… [Continue Reading]
Do you feel a sudden increase in stress and anxiety levels when faced with meeting new people? Are you experiencing this stress because you had to move to a new home location, away from everything familiar in your life? It doesn’t have to be a time of trepidation. Let’s consider that this transition is a… [Continue Reading]
Difficult people –The client you can’t please. The mother-in-law who interferes. The neighbour who lets his dog pee on your lawn. You know exactly who I’m talking about and you’re not alone in thinking IT. Sometimes people suck. And by “people,” I’m generalizing. Sometimes I suck, I’m sure you’re not perfect either. I work with… [Continue Reading]
I like to believe that most people are inherently good and are simply doing the best they can in the moment. Very often peoples’ actions are driven by fear or some other negative emotion, causing them to act in ways that feel difficult to us. We’re often quick to brand them as a difficult person…. [Continue Reading]
Most of my clients are at mid or later-life. When some find themselves single again, divorced or widowed, shifts happen. What changes? Certainly the meaning of “our stuff” and what makes home comfortable, but mainly it’s clarity about the value and use of our time. Now single, she wants to be sure she has a… [Continue Reading]
Have you ever been in a situation in which your intentions and actions were perceived incorrectly by someone, your words were twisted and your actions judged wrongly by someone who refused to believe you did not intend to hurt? What if this person’s “truth” was not the truth and yet it affected you negatively leaving… [Continue Reading]
I don’t always get along with people. In fact, I’ll be the first to admit that a lot of times people just drive me nuts. And if I start looking, I can find faults left, right and center! But I’ve learned one very important thing about the people I come in contact with, especially those… [Continue Reading]
Difficult people…we all have to deal with them, right? Wrong. I am certain there is no such thing. Our approach to dealing with others is usually a direct reflection of our perspective, one that, for many, is based on a misunderstanding, or an incomplete awareness, of human behavior: People do not create problems because they… [Continue Reading]
At one time or another, we’ve all had to deal with people we find difficult, and I’m betting you’ve wished at one time or another that they’d make your life easier by just disappearing. Certainly, the easiest way to deal with any problem is to eliminate it, if possible, and the same is true of people we… [Continue Reading]
It’s difficult to be the new girl. I was reminded of this, recently, when I entered graduate school one semester behind my cohort and found myself attending classes carrying “this feels new and overwhelming” baggage, while the people around me were already close-knit and connected, with each others’ birthdays memorized, private Facebook groups created, the… [Continue Reading]
Relationships don’t exist in isolation. This is a good thing, or it can be, depending on your perspective and how you and your partner handle others. Couples are often unaware that their relationship is vulnerable to outside influences (especially the influence of friends and family)–it’s easy to ignore or underestimate the impact that outsiders can… [Continue Reading]
The other day I heard a friend’s father had passed away. I hope she will endure the experience and gain the same peace I have about the death of my father almost five years ago. It has been said in many places and in many ways, but loss has lessons to teach. Sometimes, the lessons… [Continue Reading]
Although anger is viewed as an expected and understandable reaction to divorce, it’s rarely acknowledged as an important part of processing loss. Whether it involves the loss of hopes and dreams, what could have been but wasn’t, the heartbreak of letting go or the fear of forging ahead alone, anger is deeply woven into the… [Continue Reading]
We all have experienced an end to a relationship-whether it is a friend, life-partner, co-worker, or even ties with a family member. Overcoming the feeling of loss is always a challenge, and depending on the situation and your personality, the experience can take many different twists and turns before settling into a concluding sense of… [Continue Reading]
The first time I experienced loss was when Carlene came over… well she was supposed to come over with James, yet when she arrived at my cabin late that hot summer afternoon, she said very sternly, calmly, as if to convince herself…. James is dead. I remember thinking she was kidding, as those two were… [Continue Reading]
Ask couples about the essential ingredients of a healthy marriage/relationship and “communication” usually tops their list. In fact, most couples who come to me for counseling say they want to communicate more effectively. Many have identified that their relationship distress is either directly or indirectly linked to communication missteps. Often, this self-assessment is spot-on. There… [Continue Reading]
Do you want to change the scope of your relationship with your partner? Changing routines, styles, or habits can be a struggle. People usually want change when their relationship or marriage becomes so unsatisfactory that disillusion leads to disappointment. Before reaching that point, why not try a proactive approach to shake things up a bit… [Continue Reading]
This month, while you contemplate making changes, give serious thought to the words you use to describe what you want. Your words have incredible power; they influence you, those around you, and the future you build. For example, when I moved my practice to a new area, I came up with a catchy, opening line to… [Continue Reading]
Yes, it can, and with less effort than you would imagine. We’ve all heard a zebra can’t change its stripes – once a zebra always a zebra. Even a full coat of body paint won’t ever make that zebra a donkey, no way! True, or not so true? It’s true, that old zebra will always… [Continue Reading]
There are two ways of spreading light; to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. ~Edith Wharton One afternoon as I struggled to gain creative ground on a new project, a dear friend reminded me that as far as she was concerned, I was pretty darn amazing. At the time, feeling amazing was a… [Continue Reading]
As the holidays approach, the differences between how men and women think and act shine as bright as Rudolph’s nose. From Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day, feeling stressed is as traditional as trimming the tree, lighting the Menorah, or kissing under the mistletoe. How many times have you vowed, “Next year will be different!”? Women,… [Continue Reading]
Don’t the holidays seem to keep arriving a little earlier each year? Talk about holiday stress—there always seems to be so much to do and so little time; even if you thought you had planned ahead. With time moving so quickly, it seems that the stress levels just continue to mount. Decorating, gift buying, holiday… [Continue Reading]
Not that I’m promoting denial, avoidance or la la land… yet let’s be real people. The Holidays are a trigger for people. Triggers with family dynamics, unmet expectations for the year, chaos in malls and parking lots, stress about paying for it all, having to give give give when so many of us on empty… [Continue Reading]
Joe was at his wits’ end. Ever since his divorce, he tried to do everything he could think of to get along with his ex, Maria. It seemed like no matter how hard he tried, nothing worked. While they would go through periods where things were fine, it usually didn’t last for long. Eventually, Maria… [Continue Reading]
“That’s it. I quit!” my friend burst out. “I can’t take one more minute of having to deal with that %^&$ anymore.” I knew exactly who my friend was talking about. She’s complained to me before about a Very Difficult Person with whom she has to work. This person can be condescending, patronizing, and an… [Continue Reading]
You don’t have to go very far to find negativity and conflict. Just watch the news, listen to the radio, even on the internet and in social media, it can feel like wherever people gather, complaining, whining and negativity will follow. Some people actively seek ‘what is wrong,’ making conflict and control-issues inevitable. There is… [Continue Reading]
Overcoming conflict that happens in the workplace is one of the most frequent stress management questions that I receive. So, I have a couple of useful conflict resolution ideas for you to try when communicating with challenging co-workers. If you have worked in an office setting, then you probably will recognize these staff members. Consider the… [Continue Reading]
Here’s a HOT topic that always gets me going: what are the benefits of conflict? Merriam-Webster defines conflict as: competitive or opposing action of incompatibles : antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons). Remember: conflict is tension. Tension breeds growth. Growth is necessary for your soul’s evolution. Let’s get to it… [Continue Reading]
Not long ago, I was working for a company that seemed to be in alignment with my beliefs and values. I believed in the vision and concept. I was excited to be a part of something that would offer true transformation to people all over the world. There was just one thing – I kept… [Continue Reading]
There are so many life-changing events that affect our health. Stress, death, taxes and divorce are among some of them. Depending on the type of personality you have, you can either have a net gain of weight or a net loss of weight. But, when you get divorced, it is especially important to try to… [Continue Reading]
We’ve all heard the sage advice when things go awry at work, “Don’t take it home with you.” However, what do you do when the stresses and worries of your home life follow you to work each day? While a “leave it at the door” attitude sounds good in theory, creating that kind of separation between your… [Continue Reading]
I’ve always thought I knew why my beloved hasn’t shown up yet. I mean I’m an Intimacy Expert for crying out loud, I should know these things, right? I’ve decided it was because I hadn’t healed from my father (now healed- check) or because I wasn’t getting along with my son’s father (now getting along-… [Continue Reading]
You are a single parent now and that means that you either have to get a job or change a part-time job to full-time. Although the expense of living and income is important, the environment that is created by this work life change is sometimes harder to manage. Lee BlockAfter going through a long and… [Continue Reading]
Much as we’d like life to be simple, couples go through many responsibility changes over time. All changes affect the relationship for the good or bad. Below are two major transitions couples may see, marriage and children, and how to make them good for your relationship. Before we look at any type of transition, there… [Continue Reading]
“It could happen to you – just like it happened to me there’s simply no immunity – there’s no guarantee I say love’s such a force – if you find yourself in it.” ~ Sting, Brand New Day. I was at a catch up lunch the other day with a dear friend. The last time… [Continue Reading]
Responsibility. The ability to respond to your environment, your circumstances, and to those within your circle of influence. It’s also the ability to respond to your thoughts, your words, your deeds, your choices, and your decisions. All too often you might find yourself overwhelmed by what you believe are your responsibilities. You’re late for work… [Continue Reading]
We normally think of change in responsibilities when the kids leave home, when we become divorced and have shared custody, when we need to pay totally our own way, when we receive support from a partner, yes? I want to provide another angle as a miraculous opening of possibility in your life. I had a… [Continue Reading]
Have you ever wanted something you think is a great idea; then you asked your partner, excitedly requested an immediate response, and got a “No”? Did you argue for your idea? Did you push your point? Were you confused because you knew it was a great idea and couldn’t see how your partner could say… [Continue Reading]
Saying “I Do” the second time around can be a complicated lifestyle change that doesn’t seem complicated through love goggle eyes. Kids from your previous relationship aside, what exactly are you going to do with three toasters, two blenders, and two full master bedroom suites? If you’re marrying for the second (or third) time, you’ve… [Continue Reading]
Recently my husband invited a friend, who was going through a messy divorce, over for dinner. At first glance his friend clearly gave the appearance of a guy who had it all together. Since his separation, he had drastically changed his diet, invested in a vigorous exercise program and dropped about fifty pounds. And the… [Continue Reading]
My couples are often surprised when I tell them; “do the healthy thing because you deserve it, not because you want something from another person.” When you make a change in your life, even if it is a change in your relationship, it is imperative you change for yourself first. Why? What’s the difference? Because… [Continue Reading]
“Don’t ever change,” he said… perhaps as an expression of his love of who I am, who I was being… yet I felt instantly stifled… be this perfect way and I’ll be loved. Be just as he wants me to be and I’ll get approval. Careful not to stray or you might lose attention. Definitely… [Continue Reading]
When you get divorced, there are so many changes that take place in so many relationships it can be hard to keep it all straight. But, by far the biggest change is that of a husband/wife to a now ex-husband/ex-wife. How do you deal with this person that you knew and no longer love? You… [Continue Reading]
Most people try to avoid discomfort because, well, it’s uncomfortable. Who wants to feel uncomfortable? However discomfort has a story to tell you if you listen. Discomfort tells you something isn’t right. Discomfort tells you it is time to make a transition, to change, to do something differently, to expand. The good news is discomfort… [Continue Reading]
Making a move from being married to being divorced is a big decision. It not only affects you, it affects your children, your spouse, your friends and your extended family. It also affects your standard of living, your self-esteem and even your sense of self and belonging. How do you know when it is time… [Continue Reading]
The idea of an emotional bank, as popularized by Dr. Stephen R. Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is a great way to analyze a relationship in a logical way. Of course, instead of money, we make deposits and withdrawals in the form of social currency. Through our actions and shared experiences,… [Continue Reading]
You know that time in a relationship when you’ve been dating for awhile, you’ve committed to an exclusive relationship, but things are still new and in some ways tenuous, especially to changes. While in this delicate phase of our relationship, my now husband and I found ourselves in a long distance relationship when he got a job… [Continue Reading]
How are the choices you’re making affecting your life and relationships? Are they sound, healthy, … Continue Reading
I think my most difficult major life change was dealing with an empty nest. I knew the time when my … Continue Reading
It’s impossible to overlook the physical changes of pregnancy. But, as dramatic as those changes … Continue Reading
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Theresa Froehlich on How An Empty Nest Can Allow for Life Enrichment
Being an empty nest parent does open up a lot of possibilities just because of having more time and freedom....Lisa Wilder on How An Empty Nest Can Allow for Life Enrichment
"...shift the focus away from the negative aspects." YES! Such empowering advice, Ann. When my boys left home I very...Ann Anderson on Your Home, Your Haven
This is wonderful Wendy! So many timely tips and inspirational ideas. I love it!